Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
