we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
