allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He better not be in your backpack
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
