I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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