Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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