look no pants
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
