I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
