I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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