babies were throwing up all over the place
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
