I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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