On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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