Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
