WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
