I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
