at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
