Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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