I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
