I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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