I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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