Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
