youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
