somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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