i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How naked do you want me to be?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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