I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Found your dick twin last night
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
