i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
