Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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