she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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