He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
