I wish I could punch you in the face.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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