Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My dick has a subreddit
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
