Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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