He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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