you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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