she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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