if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
