My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
