She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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