Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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