At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
