so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize