It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
