I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
