You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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