Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
