i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
