conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
