Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
