I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
