Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
