marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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