can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize