I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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