I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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