How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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