He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
