Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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