respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
