No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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