Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
