Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
