After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
