Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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