I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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