hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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