I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
