Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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