This girl is more easily done than said...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
